How is it possible to have a civil war?George Carlin, When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, 44. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); You have owners. We havent tried that for a while. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin, 51. A.async = !0; Its interested in its own power. gads.type = "text/javascript"; Its important in life if you dont give a shit. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); Topics. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldnt afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. So arrogant. "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", If you can connect with theseGeorge Carlin quotes, subscribe to our blog so that you dont miss a single post. Couldnt you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? Like the boogie man. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. return false; Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. We would love to hear your thoughts, so dont be shy and comment below! The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. } I look at war a little. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. Feel free to reach out and connect. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. var ue_id = "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN"; One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. for(var i=0; i }; Get future posts byemail,oryou can follow us onInstagram,Pinterest,andFacebook. Use your fucking heads! When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. [CDATA[ People are wonderful. session: { id: "334-5362882-2183381" }, George Carlin Quotes Government George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); You dont. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. Toothpicks?George Carlin, No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. All rights reserved. If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. " George Carlin Quotes "Most of the country was founded by slave owners so they could be free. The table is tilted, folks. And apparently Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.George Carlin, Im completely in favor of theseparation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enoughon their own, so both of them together iscertain death.George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.George Carlin, If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Its important in life if you dont give a shit. " George Carlin var gptAdSlots = gptAdSlots || []; Christmas Quotes For Mothers To Make Her Day, These 10 Quotes About Best Friend Love Are Perfect For Showing Your True Colors, 118+ Inspiring Christmas Quotes For Instagram That Will Bring A Warm Glow To Your Holiday Season, Mourning Your Dogs Death With Quotes From Rainbow Bridge, 15+ Rumi Quotes On Happiness That Will Boost Your Mood, These Rumi Quotes About Depression Will Bring You Comfort. } If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. When you die, it all stays here. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. Thats the problem. George Carlin, 58. American His jokes were certainly aimed to provoke others but the hows and whys of it made him so exceptional. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin, 64. Its never going to get any better. !function(){function n(n,t){var r=i(n);return t&&(r=r("instance",t)),r}var r=[],c=0,i=function(t){return function(){var n=c++;return r.push([t,[].slice.call(arguments,0),n,{time:Date.now()}]),i(n)}};n._s=r,this.csa=n}(); We havent tried that for a while. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, 21. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, 15. })(); Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. When you are born in America, you get a front row seat. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. Try spelling Evian backward. Maybe this time itll work. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images By Daniel Kurtzman Updated on 06/20/18 "In America, anyone can become president. I have certain rules I live by. In this blog post, well take a look at some of his best quotes on the subject. Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favoriteGeorge Carlin quotesor if you want to ask any questions or have any query send them viaContact Us. My first rule, I dont believe anything the government tells me And I dont take very seriously the media or the press in this country. George Carlin, 82. 4. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.George Carlin, Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. }); Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.George Carlin, Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuckGeorge Carlin, I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. A.src = t; When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. The late great comedian George Carlin has many great quotes about life and society, here are some of them. What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? Deal with it.George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.George Carlin, I dont know how you feel, but Im pretty sick of church people. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. I hate a group of people with a common purpose. Well, its Gods will. Thy Will Be Done. Fine, but if its Gods will, and Hes going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Are these people kidding? Period. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, 40. Lets get started! You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. He made us notice the things we never did before in the form of his humor and this world will forever be grateful for this brilliant mind. George Carlin. The middle class pays all of the taxis, does all of the work. Teach them to question everything. "https://":"http://";i+=f?g:k;i+=j;i+=h;c(i)}if(!e.ue_inline){if(a.loadUEFull){a.loadUEFull()}else{b()}}a.uels=c;e.ue=a})(window,document); The only country that could invade America is America! The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Here we are sharing a collection of George Carlin quotes on religion, government, and life for you to think deeply about the things you have never done before. window.Mobvious = {}; Ever. //]]>. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. Just daydreaming. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. You have owners. A Death! //