it's been 9 months since you passed away it's been 9 months since you passed away

My husband had alzheimers disease for 8 years and the past 3 years of that time were very hard, as his memory slipped away more and more. Actually there have been windows of time, weeks at a time when I havent cried daily but I recently left the country to live in my native UK so I imagine that brought up a lot, hence the perceived regression. After being with him for over half my life. Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream. 1st 6 months was a blur whilst I navigated other peoples concern and my childs own grief. wishing id been around more. talk about your feelings with out your child hearing but talk to your child about their feelings because that child is hurting real bad too. It has given me some techniques to address when a wave hits to create some space to be able to take a breath. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. I am the same. My husband was a juvenile diabetic since his teen yrs. Just really seeking how to get my joy and my life back to something bearable. When you loose a spouse the sad fact is nobody else on the planet has lost them like you have. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, My youngest son lost his battle to addiction Sep 30 2017. And usually in his favourite colours. I tell her I miss her, she rolls her eyes and says, "Ugh. Hos short life was a blessing to those who knew him! We only had 11 years together but they where the best years Ive ever had. I lost my wife of 40 years five months ago today. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. It changes. The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power of loss. Then Mama died 14 months ago pancreatic cancer. Finding it hard to move one still. Our hope is in Heaven. I hate crying and find myself doing it more and more lately. I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. At least in reading others words I feel that were not alone. I have lost all my strength without him. Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think its time to move on. I can barely function and go on. She is keeping me going. I just found a counselor that I will see the end of July. I totally understand. I had started running at 56 years old, when he got sick, to keep me sane. I beg for at least a sign, that he hears me, and nothing yet He was gone and there was nothing he could do about it or me. I have her ashes in the kitchen, where she loved to be. For the first month I couldnt have a conversation or finish a sentence. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I dont do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things. They absolutely do not like him Ive just heard rumors about him and they give me total hard ache all the time. I have a t-shirt on his pillow from his memorial that I have been sleeping with for over a year and I really dont care what anybody thinks it helps me. I feel Im constantly stumbling through life on the edge of whats real and whats not. It doesn't heal them, but it gives us the opportunity to learn from them. Anne, and others, so sorry for your losses as well. Life is filled with pain and I cant find the balance without my husband. I understand your grief. Anyway we are ALLdifferent but for me sitting round crying ( I do at times) seems such a waste of MY life. Its becoming real and it sucks. The first year I cried constantly, I would talk about him every moment I could and would talk to him when I drove anywhere, pretending he was sat in the passenger side of my car listening to me. How could you do this to me? Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. I love you Max forever youll always be in my heart and I see you in our 4 sons and grandchildren..youre missing their weddings and special celebrationsto all of you hear on this page I pray you find hope and courage to keep going . I do have my faith and helps sustain me However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. I dont dream or have visions that bring me peace. So much ahead-so many great plans. Calculate the difference between two dates. I am integrating my old life with my new life. She was my heart, my everything. "Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.". I try to do things volunteering etc.but I feel numb to everything. I thought that by this time (14 months) it would hurt less. He had 8 siblings, which were a tremendous help while he was sick. It is now over a year, I have dear friends, do many things like tennis and bridge, but cooking, eating and sleeping alone is torture. She too is an amazing person and as much as I know we shouldnt make comparisons, she has the same qualities I found in my wife. Its an ongoing struggle every day. I hope that your grief process will ease very soon for you. Its been two and a half years following the loss of my husband. My heart hurts. Try not to do that to your other child. As many of you have attested, over time, episodes of intense grief begin to happen less often yet they still wallop the same punch when they come. I also think it is the type of loss. Its like a scar that sometimes bleeds. She made it 7days. Slightly better than being alone perhaps but when he is away the loneliness is shattering. He died in his sleep. The second year was just as difficult but, for different reasons. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. I lost my brother five years ago at the age of 43. Psychiatrists want to put me on SSRIs and mood stabilizers because they believe I have bipolar disorder as a result of fluctuating moods. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? This is good to know. Thank you for sharing, Its been 2 years and tomorrow 1 month. I dont feel like I can face a future without him. That pain you feel, it is love but in another guise. Not everyone is like that just some of us. He never wanted to have extended drawn sickness. I found pieces of the car the grill, a side mirror, the license plate, etc. It was the hardest Xmas every. I have a thousand other feelings: guilt about all the I should haves, missing the tender times, missing the humor only we shared, gratitude for the wonderful man he was, etc. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. Crying every day is my normal now. I dont know many widows that are my age, Im 60. every day is a challenger i hate waking up in the morning, I do try to go out and see friends but it really doesnt help, Im not sure how much longer I can continue like this, it has to get a little better I can only hope. I know I will never be the same but hope to try to feel better with time. You've opened my eyes to see what it all means. The first 6 months I lost my faith and was very angry , then veering to its all pontless. Steve. Year two, is called the wake up year. The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. If the death were sudden to an otherwise healthy person, would be more traumatizing than an expected loss, such as a long, drawn-out chronic illness like Alzheimers disease: One actually starts grieving as function deteriorates. We cannot expect them to put on a show. FREE 15 minute consults available to www.griefincommon.com members. Maybe. How so fortunate they are not to go on. I miss him as much today as I ever gave. We were lovers and partners for 32 years. I laughed hard at that. Never to forget the wonderful years that you shared. just feels worse this second year coming up to xmas. I dont mean always, but more often than I expect to. I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. She battled stage 4-5 cancer for fourteen years. Its not easy. I still do Mindfullness as a sleeping aid when needed. They would want us to go on!! One year has passed since you left your princess and gone to heaven. I think it better I stay home the rest of the week. Im exactly where you are right now! Perhaps Im also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. You can see them coming. I am functioning okaytaking care of my responsibilities. I moved back in with her and now Im scared to leave her alone. I cant have gone completely cold though, as I cry reading all your letters, and am so grateful that we have each other xxx. But now I sit here missing her so much We just live in two different places right now. I wonder if it will ever get better. I found him passed away from a heart attack on my 27th birthday. I lost my husband of 63 years I relive it every day when I go to sleep when I wake up. We were married 28 years and I miss him so much and we have 2 grown boys. We had a great marriage and we were grateful for all the years we had. Thanks to all that spoke about their feelings of a great loss. Not a future without him, because we never lose them, but a future with him in your heart and so much new exciting stuff and people, in your life. Those are two very different relationships but the loss is felt for both. This week for no particular reason has been extremely hard. At the end her got a second cancer;Melanoma. The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. Thank you for your thoughts. We both had been married before and had children. Thanks for hearing me. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. But I have three grown Kids. I haven't stopped crying since you went away, and I've asked God time and time why you couldn't stay. You are in mourning feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. He was retired and they always stood at the window and waved me off in the morning. it stands incomplete like our time together feels. The numbness is gone and reality is now setting in. It's just me & my 6 year old son now. January 24, 2020, I came home from work and my husband (one of the best guys to ever walk the face of the earth) had passed away and we had been married for 47 years. Also her name was Holly and now with Christmas coming. We were very close. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. I will continue the fight. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou. Hi. Never to be the same, never to fit into normal again. Calvin, I am conflicted as I proceed. I do daily things to get by but just want to go to sleep and hope I dont wake up. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. She and I would go Black Friday shopping. He was the love of my life and like others above, no one could ever take his place. Im bipolar, which does not help. I have had to make tough decisions on what I can handle. For me, it is in those tiny slivers of time when I feel most alone and heartbroken. If it werent for my kids o wouldnt manado. Just watching and being involved with the babies sometimes . 4) Mom, your memories are my life's only solace. Ericka, I relate. The loss of a special animal companion can leave devastating heartache and most people will suffer in silence out of fear of not being taken seriously just because the loss was not a human loss. I took a lot of pills with the intent to never wake up. I've written letters to everyone who . Dont be afraid of it, embrace it. I just cant think of even one good reason why I am here. Not sure how to deal with this anymore. I thought that after two years it wouldnt be so hard. . I feel like my pain relatively same and I would like to contact Emma J Andrews. You were the best brother a girl could ask for and the best dad in the world. I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful Ibwill feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. While we may be by ourselves we are never truly alone, I feel your pain and now you know mine. Hi- I just read your storyits almost been 2 years since my husband died. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. My brother died 14 months ago, he was only 23 and it was the biggest shock of our lives. A week later he was so weak he was hospitalized then sent to hospice and then he was gone. Year two was when reality somehow knocked on the door; it was terrible. For me food was an interesting ordeal. I dont have any children or grandchildren either, just my 4 dogs. I lost my husband on 17th December 2016. I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. I miss him so much. 4 days after my 55th birthday after 25 years of marriage, 2 years and 8 months ago. I just had the one-year anniversary of losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly after 35 years. Im in my 16 month. To fast forward I have met a wonderful person. Talk about him, laugh about him. Good luck., I feel your pain. I find hard to go on with life. I rushed his funeral as I didnt want it going into the next year. all the time.God bless you. My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy. I miss his smile, laughter, companionship,voice, etc. Checked in with my little nephew to see how he's been holding uphe told me that he wish he had more time with her. [Verse] It's been nine months since you passed away Exactly nine months, nine months today It hasn't got easy, nothing's numbed the pain From time to time, I still call you by mistake I still . We are all different and you will find your path somehow through this grief. After all, without hope and faith, what do we have? Now no one mentions my husbandonly me I want to say his name and share our memories.but other peoples lives carry on.and I am left with mine blown apart. Looking for an answer. Im now 64 and hed be 61 but we were like he would be 61 but it was like kids meeting for the first time. Though true, it doesnt help. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. I thought I was moving forward but the holidays have definitely set me back. Some are just better than others. The one I turned too for deep discussions, uplifting when I was upset over something and just encouragement when needed. Your baby's memory expands quickly in their first year of life. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. I know Ill survive, but my life never is going to be the same. My husband of 37 yrs passed away July 25 2018. Its worse now that Im no longer numb. Ill never date or love anyone else, and when I do interact with others, I pretend to be happy, and paint on a smile and fake cheer, because thats what they expect; yet all the while, im Dying inside. My grandma died on November 1st, and my oldest sister died somewhat unexpectedly on December 22nd. Even in the final week she thought of the future. I was with my husband since 17 years old and 46 years married. I know a lot of you, whether you met her or not, loved Beemo very much and so I wanted to share the video with you . I went online to read up on it. Its the hardest thing to go through. creating an adult coloring book with his images that I will share with the world soon. I hope you have found your way I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. And now guilt because of some things I am doing. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. Collapsed at our 49th anniversary dinner. Next month is a two year mark that I lossed my only child, my little girl. . I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. And I dont apologise for these indulgences they are my medicine, my vitamins, my support. A grieving cat may go off its food. A person in this stage may feel the need to keep busy all the time, or do what they . Take Care and Thank You, Your email address will not be published. I was her care giver, but now going on the second year, I still have so many regrets . My husband of 54 yrs. , too, lost my husband 2-1/2 years ago. Im not that lucky have no living relatives .just my my cats..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window. Everyone seems to think that was long enough. Ive felt lonely and sometimes I dont know how to cope with the loss and pain. I have had it with the insensitivity of some friends one in particular This is my 2nd Christmas without my beloved husband of 30 yrs. No shoulders left 2 lean on. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. This is quite normal as animals have qualities our fellow humans do not seem to indicate.Please refer to this link: https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton roads/. I too am n my 2nd year of losing my spouse. I am so lost still. But it doesnt oh yes maybe the tears dont flow as much. Then reality hits home so hard in the gut, I found my self holding back the tears because one I was pregnant with my 3rd son and second I didnt. Bless you, My daughter passed 1 year and a half ago and the pain is worse to me. One day at a time. I try to act normal and sometimes its really hard. It does ease after a while. Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just dont feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just dont understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore. No wife or kids. I immediately looked away . I cry everyday- he was my everything and I miss our family we created together .I dont think Ill ever feel any better. Here are 100 things that happened after my mom died. Though there is one other Uncle, brother of my Mums, he lives in rural Ireland, only has a land line phone, has ongoing mental health conditions. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts. I havent eaten a real meal since it happened. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. But, know that those thoughts are self protection thoughts from the pain and hurting you are going through. When Keanu died, I disintegrated physically and mentally. Hang in there for you and family. Short-term memory helps babies track objects. I keep his ashes in a necklace that I would hurt someone over if ever tried to remove it from neck. I know how you feel. As seasons go, you would probably consider this one very dark. I try to stay busy but most of the time its just around our house. There are no rules about how you . I am living in France and English is my second langue. I feel I can,t cope. I cant get my head around the anniversary already being here when it all seemed to happen only yesterday. I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. I feel like you, a lot of my fears are gone. There were many ups and downs with surgeries and chemo, but she lived for everyday with our children. You do. We have 4 daughters 24,21 and twin 15 year olds. John R. Lewis, congressman and civil rights icon, 80.