dirty golf quotes dirty golf quotes

It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Golf Quotes About Life 22. Your email address will not be published. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Does a bear crap in the woods? Any birdie will do. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Besides that, I love to explore. Bruce Lansky. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Sam Snead. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. -Happy Gilmore. I like to go low. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. It bends a little to the left. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? First and foremost, you must have confidence. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. The 19th hole. Clubbing. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Ben Hogan. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Dirt your body. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Correct one fault at a time. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Bruce Lansky, Author. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. fodrizzle. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? 1. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Big pupils lead to big scores. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? How many strokes was that? Bye Bye Birdie. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. I give him the driver. 4. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Do you know why the game is called golf? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Tahiti. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Watch their eyes. Its to move on. 20. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Another Ball in the Trees. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. For true success, it matters what our goals are. So, I'm on the first tee with him. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Roarin' Mcllroy Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. The battle that raged inside each players head. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Whos there? Noah who? Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. The means are as important as the ends. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. It will test your patience. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Learn More. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Play golf. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Wanna be my caddy? Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. 3. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Two rounds a day are plenty. Your second mental problem is concentration. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Enjoy! I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? There is no such thing as a natural touch. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Or under. Whats the difference between golf and sex? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Very interesting. Your email address will not be published. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Here, have a carrot! Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. Your email address will not be published. He said. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Just ask my ex -wives. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. If you break 80, watch your business.". Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? 3. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". If you break 80, watch your business. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. He attacks it. On a golf course, nature is neutered. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. 5. About 160 yards was his reply. 5. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Golf is very much like a love affair. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears.