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On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. You had tents?, USAF: Birds He nodded. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Reply: No, I say again. Caller: Is Sgt. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Chicago. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. She also liked her scotch. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Thats my wifes breast pump.. They know how to take up space. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Stay out of clouds. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Read more. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. 64. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. . Do not attempt to shave with fire. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Attention! What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. 35. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. 3. Caller: Do you have his right number? He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. 9. You had tents?" Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Anecdotes 1. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Flight Announcements 4. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Gary Toohard. Why? I asked. The c.i.a. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. And )second An airplane! The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. The tenant shook her head. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. A PETTY officer! Heres what they came up with: Did you hear about the big accident on base? A Recruiter Misled You. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. 1. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. 11. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. How tough? The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . 39. 65. Did it work? This site contains affiliate links. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Even his son turned up. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. At least SEVEN Cs! Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. It took the poor guy all day. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Speed is life. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Fish Food. Divert your course NOW! Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Rodrigues? Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Rodrigues there? Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. How tough? Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. How much noise can we make up here? Soldier: No, SIR!. 11. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Nothing, she said. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. If you cant pick it up, paint it. 1. Soldier: Sure, buddy. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Thats Daddy. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? you cant do both. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. 18. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . What are you doing? I asked. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. March forth! Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. The reason? Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. What did you do? 40. with someone braver than you.'. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. 16. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. 4. Proceed at your own risk. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Marine: Wait, stop. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Because hes a captain in the Air Force. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Because the Army needed heroes too. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Its where we park the helicopters.. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! A friend paid my mother a visit. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. 45. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. 7. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. 13. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. ! Again, no reply. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. He nodded. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. (pointing at the sky). 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. We have one or two in here! ! Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. In-dough-structible 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Now he likes peanuts.. 4. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. 4. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway".